The road to pi-land

 

Sitting in the Irish bar in Chiangmai, north of Thailand, that is actually called Siam,

Why did anybody decide to call Siam Thailand?

Siam sounds much more exciting to me,

There was a TV series when I was a kid; it was called Anna and the king of Siam,

Yul Brynner was the leading part, and I was fascinated.

Sitting in this bar, where not 5 minutes passing without a waiter with crooked English coming and asking me if I want to order something…

Now I did, a beer, after 3 coffees… Should balance the mood

Coffee is dark, bitter and complainable, beer is happy.

 

A night and a half in Barcelona was very nice, meeting good friends and reinforcing my decision to not live in a big city.

Especially meeting Elad and Andrea, who were moments away from becoming parents, to yet another miracle of life,

Something I, after already 8 months did not get fully used to.

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Then taxi, then plane, then Istanbul…

It sounded like a good idea at the time of booking our tickets.

A day in Istanbul, checking out a new place I’ve never seen before,

When we arrived there, it was pouring rain all the time, and quite complicated to get to the center of town, to eat one nice fish soup and a very good ‘kenafe’.

Then basically straight back to airport.

Our flight was supposed to leave at 01:00 but there was another one earlier which we were hoping to be allowed on.

Talking to the official representative, bared no success, a trained fake smile said that there is nothing he can do for us, and we will have to wait another 7 hours with an 8 month baby in a cold airport…

That was the first time our little Pi went into the picture to save his abba mama!

Checking in our bags, the counter lady fell in love with him, charming little creature when he wants to, and called her superior and made the earlier flight happen for us!

There were about 6 Turkish airline stewardess that took turns in holding Pi and having their picture taken with him.

 

Arriving in Bangkok,

Those first moments out side of airport, smelling the first smells of an unknown land

Exiting, hot, and new.

Hotel for jet lagging for a few hours, and then out to the street, human jungle!!

Everything happens in Bangkok, all kind of weird humans, so colorful and full of life, fast lane life, a jungle of details.

First thing we ate was mango, but.. a damn spicy mango!!

Linda claimed it is very tasty, and I had to spit it out, spicy mango? Go figure!

Then bouncing from a stall to another we were tasting amazing Thai food, fresh and exotic.

In retrospect we realised that 3 days eating only Thai spicy food is probably what made our little Pi very sick,

High fever, hospital, checks, home, low fever hospital, worry.

When your baby is sick, it is very worrying, especially if it is the first time you deal with it.

Then a bit more relaxed we went for a walk in town, took some pictures.

Linda and Pi were right in front of me, when I felt a strong bite on my leg.

Pinching piercing pain, in an instinct I shook my leg up and down while hitting it with my hand, the first thought was that a rat had bitten me,

But when I looked I realized thers a green snake attached to my leg,

It fell off immediately, and I told Linda IT’S A SNAKE!!

She came and saw it sliding away,

Oh my god!!

Is this my end???

Should Linda suck the poison out?

No, that might be dangerous for her..!

Should I run to hospital, but running might speed up the process,

Should I tie a belt to stop the blood…

 

We asked some locals for help or advise and all they could do is say ohh..wow.. Clinic.. Hospital,

None of them was of any help; one nice woman walked with us to the clinic and used her phone to call her husband or friend and not the ambulance,

Honestly… I think I was kind of cool about it,

I have this thing, I can be stressed many times, but when a seriously stressing moment comes, I totally calm down, I keep it cool, as I know from experience that panic is the worst thing to have when you are facing an emergency situation.

I even made some jokes, when we were walking I started making sounds as if I’m choking, Linda said its not funny but I disagree 🙂

 

Hospital was another Thai style joke,

Basically they said they need to keep me there to make sure I have no poisoning effects, in other words to see that I’m not dying there and then, they said they can only treat symptoms of poisoning and can not give me antidote as they don’t know which snake it was,

I already figured I’m not checking out of this trip that day.

And then made a Facebook post, that got a lot of attention and comments,

So much attention you get when you are ‘about to die’

Your own funeral must be the nicest event in your life…

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Crouches for a few days, strange kind of pain, sometimes burning, sometimes feels like the leg is broken, very painful to move the leg, but actually only moving the leg relives the pain…

 

Linda super woman took the right decision to get the fuck outta Bangkok a.s.a.p.!

A day on the train was already refreshing, I love trains, it’s contains a lot of movement, and you can smoke!

 

Was sitting in together with the driver big parts of the road, fun!!

 

Pi was sleeping most of the way, which was very kind of him!

Funny thing is, after a arriving in Bangkok, our little Pi started having anger expressions!!

Big time!!

It’s funnier then anything else, but before Bangkok he was mostly smiling happy and sometime crying for this or another need.

But in Bangkok, he started being angry!!

Very angry sometimes, we googled it, and found out that at 8 months babies realize the world is not under their control and that can piss them off very much!

If you tear him away from anything he is doing, he gets very angry!

The world is not in your control my baby… I’m still dealing with trying to accept this at the age of 40… hope it takes you less…

 

Temples, prostitution, and money, are the 3 dominant things that I see here,

Amazing beautiful temples with incredible attention to details, very impressive.

Walking around with Linda and Pi, all is decent and cool,

Walking 10 meter behind Pi and Linda… getting offers, which make me blush.

Quite aggressive as well, holding my hand out in the street, grabbing me, need to shake them off.

Apologies in advance, but it seems that money is the highest value for the people I meet in the street, it’s not even ceremonial as it is in India, with a tea and some personal questions, whatever you order in any restaurant the waiter will be standing beside you looking at your purse and waiting for you to pay,

You don’t eat and then pay, you order pay and then eat, and when you open your purse a trained eye is trying to count how much you have in it.

Thai are the Jewish of the east 🙂

Prostitution is so popular, it made me wonder, as they actually don’t seem to be so poor, almost no homeless people, streets are being cleaned all the time,

Doesn’t really feel like for example the poor Africa I met,

But yet, for girls to sell their souls and bodies to foreigners, is very much acceptable and ok.

Walking around you see so many creepy old European man, with young Thai girls.

 

I overheard an Israeli guy saying to a girl, ‘if you really want you could change it all’

I think it’s ignorance and arrogant to say this,

We in the west, we are the lucky ones, we are being fed with this logo of ‘if you want… you can’

That guy has absolutely no idea of the limited range of options a Thai girl from the jungles has in her life,

 

It just might be that for her, selling her body means she has a job!

Means she can provide for a family, that someone is appreciating her, and wants something she has, and is even wiling to pay for that.

Who am I to judge?

 

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Africa, so far so… far.

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Just a few days over a month in Africa…

The other day I suddenly realized I have white skin,

How strange it is really, white when there’s mostly black.

What’s the difference?

Many things has happened along the road here,

Here is Epupa falls on the border of Namibia and Angola,

Things’ meaning little stories adventures,

and maybe more then all some very surreal situations,

Like this morning when I went for my morning ‘watering’ the treesJ

I practically almost stepped on something that to me looked like an ancient monster but actually was just a big lizard.

Surreal, like to be waiting for a lift on a road that maybe 5 cars passing through this road in a day…

Surreal like finding a Mac computer with reasonable net connection in a place that feels like the end of the world,

a place where you need to drive for 2 days on a dirt road in order to get here,

Surreal like finding myself helping the local transport authority in checking the roads and road signs all along the Namibian desert together with my friend Forman, that is the official inspector.

 

Surreal like spending 3 days in a funeral ceremony in church, in the family house and in the graveyard.

Surreal like getting used to sleeping in gas stations,

Surreal like seeing naked Himba tribe people with just a lather skirts  on them, walking around talking on their cell phones…

So far my road was mainly involving places with people, little towns, villages and some cities.

Now after I came to this place Epupa falls, for just one night, and stayed so far 5 days.

I realise what makes me feel the best is nature, just seating close to the river and letting my thought drift on the rhythm of the river,

From now on I want the remaining time to be in nature as much as possible.

It makes me quite, gives me a deeper breath.

 

I had some nice meetings,

But to be honest, for almost all the locals on my road my white skin had the same effect as a Swiss bank account card have on some people.

There’s a monkey 2 meters from me now…

All communication has the underling of getting money out of me,

There was a man who helped me, and I gave him a lot on the 3 days we spent together, as a farewell present I gave him a big tip, the amount that would have sustained me here for 3 days, a second after when I asked if he could get me a bottle of water while I hold the taxi waiting… he handed his hand for money again.

I don’t mean to be Jewish, here white skin  does mean you are rich, and you are rich!!!

, if only you can buy the ticket to come here and take a walk,

here for somebody to buy the same ticket, he would need to be working for a few years, if he finds a job at all in a country with 70 % unemployment!!

But on the personal level, it is difficult to be constantly asked for money in many ways.

 

Everybody finds me ‘loco’ here,

the kids don’t believe that I have no car or motorbike, when I say I hitch hike, they look at me with disbelieve,

I find it funny and encouraging.

The kids here have a special thing, some kind of innocence, wide open eyes and souls, curios and surprised,

The other day I answered my urge to pic up a little kid that was crying, and hug him, he actually got more scared,

As they explained it was from my white skin…

a few hours past from the time I wrote the last sentence,

Beautiful moon is glowing above the clouds; I take long exposer picture,

I’ve been talking to myself mostly in the last 3 weeks, and I get repetitive boring conversation J

It’s just when nature is overwhelmingly breath taking, just then the circle of thought stops for a while and takes me on a new height.

The frogs here have different sound.

Africa is the used and abused child in the global classroom, everybody from any nation is doing what the hell they like with this place, taking away the treasures of this place, and not really giving anything back,

The people are so poor that they are more then happy to get any leftovers anybody would through at them,

I’ve met a few white men that promised to leave Africa in peace after they cut 15 million euro worth of trees.

The diamonds of Africa as well as all the other valuables are actually owned by European entities.

 

It is illegal to find diamonds for locals!!!

poverty is a well maintained super profitable business!!

I was as well offered to make a picture story,

of how hungry people are here, get the story to open some European hearts and wallets, and collect the money donated.

I am sorry this text is not just about fun travel and joy,

But this is Africa, at least what I see.

 

(don’t get me wrong… I’M HAVING A BLAST!!!)

 

Tomorrow i am moving on,

I have time here to remember those little things and big people that make my road so pleasurable.

Besos all over

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Road to cape town.

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today i went into the ‘comfort room’ , only when i did i realized 2 things, one that i did not go there since london…

and the other is why it is called comfort room… it is called like this cause you need to reach some level of comfort in order to go there to begin with.

 

left linda and xuci in barcelona, got emotional about it,

3 hours in london airport was more then enough,

this super advanced airport with all those tunnels roaming with humans made my goal to get to the wide wilde open even more clear.

i don’t like the system in particular and in heathrew airport the ‘system’ is at it’s best.

then was seating in the boeing time tunnel for about 12 hours,

on my wright hand side an 80 year old woman that became a friend called lakshmi, shes from India originally and has been living in London for the last 40 years, one of her sons is a doctor and the other is en engineer.

I think the doctore is a doctor in a few fields as well as the engineer as she kept saying my son is a doctor, my other son is en engeinr many times.

the time tunnel was shaking strongly most of the way,

Spend time doing my best efforts to connivence my self and the rest that i am deeply sleeping.

it felt like it’s working.

then arrived in cape town surprisingly small airport,

a lovely girl, named Alila, friend of a friend, piked me up, took me to her house,

i crashed in bed and slept long, then went out to town,

just walked around smelling, looking,

fell asleep on a bench next to the water, sun summer full on.

seal’s in the water between the boats…

after dark started to walk what felt as direction home,

after a few streets it all got super empty and just some … let’s say … not innocent faces addressing me.

 

was very clear i better go somewhere more public.

so i did , and got home safely.

 

one thing here is very clear, it is an existance in which safety on the street and in everyday life is something to be considered.

it is not ‘raval’ in Barcelona, here if you walk the wrong street at the wrong time with the wrong color… you will get into truble,

And they are very likely to be BIG TRUBLE.

it is very noticeable for me that there are at least to kinds of people living here, and they do not really share the same view.

when i asked a few locals, they said it is true but they long ago forgot it, and now living naturally knowing how to watch out and from who.

everybody (white) got a car, so no danger in walking the streets at night.

 

one guy asked me for money in the street, i refused, and then felt like i could actually give something beeing such a lucky guy,

i gave some to the next guy that was looking like i would never wish to anybody to look like…

the secound guy got kicked out of my site by ‘public-safty’ guy that was controlling the street to be clean from baggers asking for money,

the funny thing was that the first guy only said ‘please money’ and the ‘safty’ guy was screaming and swearing him relentlessly…

very different place indeed.

being very quite and not knowing anybody feels cool and far at the same time.

over and out…:)

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merry christmas everybody!!!

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The Xuclove season.

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My life is divided to seasons and chapters,

I move a lot, season in Ibiza, seasons in Goa, winter in Brussels and winters in Israel,

 

So the seasons are coming to en end for me only when I’m loading myself on the boat or plane to go somewhere else,

 

Then is when my feelings are intensified regarding all that has happen in the chapter I am about to leave,

 

Like they say that your life is running in front of your eyes a moment before you die…

So on the dock today on this gigantic blue boat , I saw this season running in front of me with all the emotions that were there,

 

It was more emotions then visions,

 

The ‘big’ thing that had happened this season was that my friend filo died, and this echo’s in me all the time, and will do so for a long time I guess,

The season started with a nice photo-shoot I did on the beach for a jewelry catalog,

 

Then it jump started and now it’s over,

 

Very fast it all went, during the summer I was very busy, when my friends asked how is it going, I told them I will answer in October,

Now is December,

In this season I was disillusioned again from this social existence that we are living,

 

  

It is not a bad thing, but en observation of how, almost everybody is pretending to be and act like somebody they are not,

 

Maybe cause they want a lover and the very ‘state’ of ‘want’ makes them behave in what they feel is a more attractive way, maybe cause they would like the world to see them in a way that makes them feel good but is not 100% their true way.

But is ok, I even suspect that I do the same un a wearingly  at times.

 

Filo was the only real friend I lost, but I did separate and cut connections this season.

At one point I realized for myself that I deserve good vibe, and that I should cut of the connections that are not in their essence clear pure love.

There was a guy that was under the definition of a ‘friend’

But this guy consistently gave me bad vibes, and consistently tried to ‘educate’ me for what is good and what is bad and how I should do things and become a better man to fit his plan,

With my low self esteem and confidence I would immediately take very seriously things he told me,

Dealt with his anger towards me and life, as if it is really my problem.

 

I am an extremely lucky man,

 

I have a man or 2 and a woman or 2, that actually really love me,(not to mention xuclove) as I am for what I am,

 

It does not mean they do not get angry at me, it does not mean they don’t tell me ‘noam you fucked up there!

 

But it does mean that whenever they say anything like this, I do not get defensive, and I do not retaliate, I just look into what they say with respect appreciation and I know that as well the ‘hared’ things they say to me come from that very deep love they are.

 

So I figured I should accept all that is coming from an essence of love,

But totally disconnect from people that love towards me is not the guiding motive in their relation with me.

 

At the beginning it felt hared to sort of ‘loose’ a so called friend,

But then it gave me a good feeling of somewhat self respect, and a wright thing,

Life’s to short to be spending my time answering the anger issues of ‘out of my heart circle people’.

 

I realized I have a lot of anger in myself, it was after a few days of grrrr…

And I was seating in can solayetas bar and allowed myself to get very angry but less frustrated about a lot of relations that did not ‘fit’ my picture.

The waitress ‘got-it’ and kept refilling my beer glass which helped expressing and puring the anger into the paper, and transforming it into a funny mood.

 

Beautiful light now on the noisy boat to Barcelona,

 

In my last hectic 48 hours in Ibiza, I got so much love from the people that I met, it was really great!!

 

Driving the longest road from point A to point B with Danish,

 

looking at the purple sunset talking and searching the CD for songs from our hearts.

 

Discussing the meaning of light while being light.

 

Then feeling doronchok’s heart opening melting and widening as the ocean I am floating on now, wow.

 

Talking about sex with nick’s while drinking a happy beer in snsara,

All the time my good old friend full moon is showing off it’s cloud performance.

 

Xuclove making faces of understanding something is going on…

 

Maybe this season is the xucloar season,

Relating to the last moments of life of filo, after some time I choose joy and love, and that was one of the things that helped xucloar choose me,

 

to open and widen my heart with care and love to a creature other then my own selfish me,

 

When she came that night and sat on me and kept playing with me, the heart made a decision that the brain was fighting with for months,

 

went home to sleep without her and could not fall asleep or forgive myself that I did not take her home with me at that very moment when the warmth in my chest spread all over my body.

 

That since I decided to love her, she has become a wonderful amazing waterfall-lovefall for everybody around,

 

Is funny how people express their love to animals so much easier then to each other,

 

And by having xuclove I am constantly receiving so many good vibes and words from everybody,

As well for me… it might sound pathetic from an almost 40 year old man that is probably spouse to have 2 kids by now,

And Instead has a dog,

 

but the trust and the love a dog will give you is an experience and a connection worth going through, worth the effort,

 

As I say ‘xucloar is the most wonderful PROBLEM I have in my life’.

 

She connects me to nature, she would jump into the sea without knowing that she actually knows how to swim, only cause I am in the sea, and for her to be on the ground is not as safe as to possibly drown with me.

 

It is an amazing and important experience, I highly recommend!!!

 

So the xulove season is over, now new,

 

I have a neon light in the center of my spirit, it says AFRICA!

 

Always wanted to go there, bought a map about 16 years ago, hanged it in my room in Ludlow street in downtown Manhattan, and started pointing places I would want to see in Africa,

 

Such a long time past and I want it to happen before anything else.

 

Benga yalla basta, sky is purpling now,

Thank you for all those who are friends,

 

Take it easy, be light .

 

 

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happy birth day yali!!!

 MAZAL TOV!

Is beyond me the way things happen,

I did not post in my blog for a long time, for many reasons and for the last one to be so strong for me,

 

Didn’t think anything is valid as real news.

 

But today when I took the turn of the road to saint Miguel and into can Gabriel, I felt this widening soft feeling of knowing that soon I’m gone see this new born, this new born that is carrying so much love and light.

 

Then I saw her, Yali.

 

I felt a lot, one of the feelings was protection,

 

A newborn has galactic universal and human protection.

 

Am convinced that it is in our ‘program’ to protect and care for our fellow kind,

 

Just life takes it away from some of us along the way,

 

But love is there we are born with it and by it.

 

It reflected strong in the eyes of Moria and Doron…

and Danni and mika and everybody.

 

I’m thinking what I would say to Yali as someone that just arrived,

 

WelcomeJ take it easy,

 

 

 

and that you are made of love.

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philippe cotto.


in the end what is left is a bunch of people that hold your hand and touch you in your last moments.

i met filo in ibiza.

we liked each other and connected.

i think it was about 9-8 years ago,

a few times it happened that i lived with him when arriving to ibiza.

with me he only gave, never asked me for nothing and always offered help, support and a hugs.

he suffered a long time from pain, then about a year ago they discovered he has cancer.

he fought it until yesterday after noon.

i feel thankful for spending some time with him in his last days in this kind of existence.

they gave him 48 hours about 10 days ago,

there are i guess situations when there is no remedy, there is no way back and there is no chance to get out of it,

it is so strange to accept it, to deny our most strong instinct to survive.

to believe that there will not be a miracle and that this is it.

to accept your exit that will always come b4 time.

i feel Filo was in between the two, he kept optimist with all of us, and i heard him say to some of us that he is going out,

jai alle a sortir,

every time i went into the hospital i took a deep breath, and did my best to be happy and cheerful.

yesterday morning i got a call to come and say good by,

i came and felt him, i was quite and then i sang a song for him so he hears.

was with him for a moment alone where i told him that i thank him so much for knowing him,

for learning from him, all this lessons including this possibly last one.

that i love him,
and that it looks to me as if we all went to this party called life, and he just had to go b4 the party was over,
and as soon as my party will be over i will be going to the exact same place he is going to,
that there is nobody that is not going there,

just some stay longer then others.

he was in between worlds, in a transit process, slowly loosing life from his body,

i asked him to let go, i wished for his soul attached to his body to let go and lift of to whatever is there or not.

it was hared for him to breath, i was after almost 2 nights without sleep.

at one point i went to the other room, and sat with the friends,
i felt i’m almost loosing it, my body giving up to the Fatigue.

then i decided to let go and close my eyes a bit,

i did , and after timeless 2 minutes, my friend woke me up and said ‘it’s over’

i got up.

i saw him.. and there was no life in his body.

looked through the window, and saw cars going, people going to parties in ibiza..

more then sad, it all felt very strange,

and another feeling that i can not find the word for.

and not sure if there is a word for it.

felt he is still there.. still around.

after some time i slowly walked out the hospital.. stopped at the edge of the hospital and found it very hared to make the step out of the premisses.

like it is a strong big step in the separation process from Filo.










the part of me that is Filo.. is there and will be there as long as i am there.

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http://www.exibart.com/profilo/eventiV2.asp?idelemento=109063

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paula.

hold


breath


rock


look,


paula


lightheart.


move.


hang

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happy passover..:))

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